I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
