did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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