My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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