at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
