so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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