he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
