I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize