We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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