im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
