I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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