Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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