never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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