Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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