How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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