I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
