If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
