i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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