What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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