After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
