Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
