he thought i was a dude.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
