it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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