I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
