At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
