beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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