do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
