So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
