She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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