the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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