just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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