Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
