im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
