Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
