i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
