he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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