At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...so i touched it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
