i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
