This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
