Your tits are I can't wait for
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
