Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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