I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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