I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
