Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
