She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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