No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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