Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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