my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
