theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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