I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
