forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
