She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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