with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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