Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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