Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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