being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did I show you my penis last night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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