just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hippo gnu deer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
