i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
