Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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