we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
