just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
