And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the day after is always just damage control
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
