i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
