Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
