You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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