You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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