I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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