Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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