Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
