oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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