i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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