told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
